My Husband
I honestly felt like I had to write this blog tonight. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I know that some of my friends have husbands like this. I know that all of you are experiencing different circumstances, but those of you who know who you are you just know! Ya Know!

My husband and I have been through more than most couples can attest to in a lifetime. He has had to work 60 to 70 hour work weeks just to make ends meet because I am in a wheel chair. My surgery should have put a huge strain on our relationship, but it has only brought us closer together.

I realize how much he cares and wants this to work. He puts his heart and soul into everything we do. Right now he is asleep on the couch on a Saturday night after he worked a 9 hour shift non stop, and refused to go to sleep. Instead, he took me out to eat, to the movies, and to get ice cream. He then came home and proceeded to play our game with me. He didn't sleep all day because he wanted to spend time with me.

Me as a Person.

I am constantly seeking approval. I am severely upset when someone is mad at me. Mainly because I look at every single angle as to why I am the problem. I am constantly looking for something I could have done better, or something I could have changed.

"What could I have done to change the situation?"

I do this instead of searching for an answer to the situation.

Inevitably I find an answer. I debate the problem I am having in my own head, yet it is hard for me to find a solution to the problem when I am not sure what the problem was in the first place. I have come across this problem more than once. People get angry and they don't talk. Either because they think the situation will escalade, or they are afraid of the answer.

NOT EVEN SURE IF ANYONE LOOKS AT THESE LOL

Most of my closest friends and family know that Moordread and I moved to be closer to his work. I helped him move a lot of stuff out of the trailor. That was almost two weeks ago.

My hip has started something new now. It is an unstoppable burning sensation. Like my hip is literally on fire. I am so confused and frustrated by it all.

The two specialists that I have talked to made it seem like my hip wasn't a big deal, but at the time that the two of them saw me I was not in any accute pain.

I plan on seeing yet another Dr. I am going to go back to the one I have been seeing first and explain everything, but if I get the run around again I am going to find someone else. I don't care what kind of Dr. you are, a person should not have to endure the ammount of pain I have been going through. I can barely walk in the mornings. I take 1000mg of ibuprofen in the morning and 800mg in the afternoon.

I signed papers for the divorce on Monday. It feels weird. Like maybe I failed something. I'm not even 25 years old yet, and I'm already divorced.

It was pretty much his choice, so I guess I shouldn't feel bad, but that doesn't keep me from feeling bad. Know what I mean?

Anyways, Moordread got my computer up and in some sort of running stated. From what he told me it was a bloody mess. I need an external hardrive to run everything. Hopefully with any luck I will be playing again in 2 weeks. I miss my Scarab family like mad!!!!

I can't wait to see you guys in game again!!!!

YOUR LOCAL WHINNER!!!!

I'm am officially posting more to a story that some of you may have heard before, but it's been added to and edited a little. WHEN I SAY A LITTLE I MEAN A LITTLE SO NO CRITICS PLEASE!!! I'm not publishing this anytime soon, so you English majors please keep your grammar comments to yourselves!! =p Please just enjoy the imagination of the read!!

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ANCIENT WINDS BLOW

Jenna awoke from her sleep sweaty and breathing rapidly. She searched her mind for what she had just seen. It was something important. She could definitely tell that it was something important.

Hurt

Try and hold it in

forcing it further down.

Still it creeps forward

don't let yourself drown.

Hold it all inside

until it threatens to break.

Never let it out

for fear of being awake.

Still it threatens to kill

all that you hold dear.

No one sees it inside

all that you may fear.

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This just came out of a lot of frustration and sadness a few days ago. I've been learning to not let all of this stuff out in a negative way. I got the divorce papers today. =/ Signing them and giving them back on Monday. =/

I miss you guys!!!!!! *cries*

My computer is still on the fritz and I have no way of playing the game yet. My parents are going to let me put the game on their computer tomorow night! *cheers* I hope to have everything up and running on their computer by at least Wed afternoon! Not sure how good of a computer they have, so we'll see how well it will run the game.

I have been actually doing better than I thought I would be at this point. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and a way to cope with everything.

I hope all of my family here is doing well, and I will hopefully see you guys sometime in the near future.

Now I've got his brother trying to put me on a guilt trip for my poetry on myspace.

There isn't even anything mean in the poetry I posted.

This has been the first time I've felt like having a nervous break down since we left each other last week.

No one NOT one person can know what he and I have been through with each other. He's not perfect and neither am I.

I guess this is the only place I'm going to be able to speak openly about it anymore.

At least he doesn't check the Scarab website.

He never really was a big fan of you guys. I can see why now. He's never been a people person or emotional at all. He doesn't like to get involved in anything that remotely has to do with other gamers except for his closest friends.

I have no words for what I'm going through.

I have no breath to breath anymore.

Things suck right now.

My chest hurts constantly and my stomach aches.

He doesn't seem to care anymore.

I guess we've hurt each other too much.

Took this with my phone. We can do all sorts of cool settings on our phones.

I have it as my main pic on my myspace if you want to see more pictures.

http://www.myspace.com/jenniferpalmer82

This one is a bit more elaberate than the last one. I have gone through a lot of life experiences. I have experienced anger, frustration, depression, anxiet, thrill, happiness, and loss. I have experienced this all in a span of 3 to 4 weeks.

I had to write. I hade to respond to this emotion somehow.

If I could explain to you the loss of my best friend in the entire world I would.

I cannot. She is back now, but those three weeks without her were utter darkness, and my cousin stood before me like an angel in the dark.

This poem is devoted to my cousin!! She is leaving for Florida in a few short months. I will miss her terribly. She is my rock!

This Diserves a blog!!

I'm soo tired tonight that I can't think straight and it is the one night I can stay up and play the game.

It is officialy 5:23 am for Wisdom and I and my Computer for the game is acting funky so I offically call it a night, but not before I thank him for helping me get my epic mount for the first time in almost 2 years....

I have never had the time or cash to get an epic mount and Wisdom helped me get that tonight.

I think he deserves a metal as do the people that helped him acheive his pally epic mount finally...... this may not be all of them but these are the one's I've heard from, and about....if you are another please say sooo.....

I have so many memories of SF that I can't count them on one hand, and I was only there for 2 days.

I had a blast.

We (Bronthas, Everising, Randolph/Stabza, and I) drove down Saturday morning, but it wound out being late Saturday afternoon because of the massive amounts of rain that was falling on all of Texas.

YES I DO APPOLOGIZE TO THE TONTTO CLAN AN EVERYONE ALREADY THERE>>> I THINK WE BROUGHT THE RAIN WITH US!!!!!

Anywho, after we finally got a hotel room somewhat near Tontto's house we attempted to actually find his house.

I eventually called Vic's cell phone and had him hand the phone to someone whom he thought would be coherent enough to give good directions. This person was Maska! Not so great!!!

I am confident that Trag doesn't read these boards.

Trag and I are going through a lot of tuff issues right now that might not work out for the best.

We have been married for 3 years and been together for 8 yrs.

I hope and pray that we can work things out in the end.

We have set an ultimatume mutually for 6 more months of attempt.

Please send your prayers our way, and your love.

I love him with all my heart, and I'm hoping to make some big changes in myself within the next 6 months to save our marriage.

Here is a poem to show my emotions atm.

HOW?

How do we move on

My sisters and I took some really cool pictures at this newly built place in the town I live in.

It's called the Harbor and it's primary function is to provide fun and entertainment and lots of shopping for people that love the lake here. The architecture is incredible and I love going to this place. I really could go there every day and never get tired of it.

I love
Current mood: happy

not sure what this is really. Just something I came up with randomly do to my therapist telling me \ I should write things down every night. So if you all see more of this random poetry on a nightly basis you'll have to forgive my crazy side for wanting to sooth my sane side.

I wish I couldn't.\

I love too many people.
I wish I didn't.
I love everyone I meet
I wish I couldn't.

My heart is devoted to strangers.
I love people that I don't know.
My heart bleeds for lost people.
I love those that don't deserve it.

I must give into my love.

Darkness settled over my heart as Bolarth and I flew to the council of the elders. I couldn't help but think about all of the things I had lost, and all of the things I could never retrieve. My soul flew into a whirlwind of depression that was destined to keep me under it's current for a lifetime.

Only Bolarth kept me from falling into the pit of despair. He spoke to me throughout the journey. Whenever he felt that I was going to deep within myself he would pull me out with his mind, and ease my soul with words of comfort.

I cannot say whether I was greatful or not. I just wanted to be with my family, and I knew that that was not possible unless I gave up my physical life here and now.

I won't be on for about 10 to 14 days. The bank really messed up my card.

Long story short they had some security breaches (mispell) at my bank, so they issued us new cards 3 weeks ago.

I never activated the new card, so one day I'm at 7/11 and bam my card doesn't work.

I call the people and say, "Hey what gives? My card isn't working!"

They say, "Well have you activated your new card?"

At this point I slap myself in the forehead and say, "Hell no! OMG I totally forgot! Is there anything I can do?"

Guy says, "Sure I can reactivate your old card for 10 days, but it will only be a debit card."

I took some pretty cool screenshots of Rendil and I last night.

I wrote this at a pretty angry point in my life, and it actually turned out to be quite helpful to myself. If that makes sense to anyone.

This blog is a song~ I don't have any music to it. I'm hoping to find the music in my husband Traganoth. He plays guitar.

This is my baby and me!! OOOOGLY I know!! Don't faint when you see it!!

Trag and I went to hang out with my cousin and her husband. We went to a bar that had Karaoke.

I sucked it up and went and sang. The first song was a total bomb, and I think it's because I tried to sing a song that has really bad memories for me.

The second song was Dixie Chicks "Sing Wagon" TOTAL HIT!!! I got cheers from everyone in the crowd.

I thought I was done until my cousing talked me into singing Martina McBride's "My Baby Love's Me" That was a hit too! She took pictures and some video with her phone.

I think she is going to try and post them on her myspace.

She was sort of enamered though, so it may not be as big of a hit as everyone was making it out to be.

Valentine's Day Screenshot

I being the extreme screenshot freak that I am, took a few more. HEHEHE hope Wisdom doesn't mind.